uncommon shine

for tara

your light was the most

uncommon shine

built of fire

and wild

in the spiritual realm

the most generous

sparkle of eye

benevolently kind

have truth so staggering

a blazing love

that roared fierce

biblical truth

of god’s fair love

all things goldenly divine

you had access through

the thin veil to god’s world

so poignantly aware

of things no one else knew

the haze of your human-ness

a normal day in your footprints

was like watching a dream angel

come to life

always constant as a flame

you walked to the top

of the mountain

as effortless as breathing

right into jesus’ arms

you graced the earth

just not long enough

with pure beauty and love

the justices that you spoke

and all the things you fought

for while here

i can only imagine the glimmer

in your heavenly crown –

my heart is torn

an empty hole

in a world now where you aren’t

not ready to release you

but i know i have to

when the full moon

woke me and led me to

the stars in the night

there you were

all around me

thank you, california

cold california

returning a blue black bay

kissing concrete mountains

of gothic spires

bridge silhouettes

and youth faces without smiles

busy fashion

dirty nails on homeless hippies

thai food

guitars

i smile too often

for this town where nowhere

feels like home

a disconnect of my

native grounds

an uneasiness at knowing

all the time lost here

vaporous wasteland

girls with little dogs

walk these grimy streets

eager selfish

expectant eyes looking

only to fill desires

i’m too hard on you

californiabut

you were too

hard on me

you conjoined my survival

to your empty beauty

never fulfilling my taste

perpetuating my lostness

needs unmet at harsh cost

the purchase beneath my feet

left me barely afloat

and at once a barren coastline

desolate without retreat

so i thank you california

for letting me struggle

from your grasp

to a land where i’m wanted

to a place where I thrive

my memories like ghosts

will haunt your mountainsides

where my tear stained screams

filled the desert

before i knew to leave you

before i realized

i never belonged

to you

the light in the wound

the light in the wound

is where I must go

to find what I’m looking for

high noon sun

cast down shadows

rooted trees lift

their frame upward

to touch the warmth 

and feed their leaves

to abundant glow

to reach and yet root 

simultaneously

growing in two directions

i need the deep to know

the undercurrents of things

i need to reach

to obliterate my orbit

to spirit’s length 

unabashedly expansive

tumultuously wrecking

violent flight 

to unknown world’s in my mind

then coming to a place

of peaceful vetting

soft landing

colorfully minded

in brilliant findings

that only facing

my shadow 

could deliver

cerulean

i closed my eyes

facing up

breathing out

the stagnancy

and block

oils on my crown

wide open vision

she covers my eyes

and i see

a magenta diamond

at the center

ripples into amaranthine

curulean wings of a morpho

black veins outlining

then the hugging flesh

shape of 2 fetuses

healthy happy

plump with pinkish skin

my unborn future

good moon

i shine on you

like a soft sea

remembering

the current’s sleep

small resentments

in the harbor

but hardly quaking

i twist like vines

to make it right

with you

my labored speech

forcing connection

your stoic blank

becomes a mask

i can’t wake

your eyes shimmer

fondness and pause

a severing tentacle

of reach

but the love is balm

and we feel fullness

laughing mysterious

as confident

as a good moon

tidal seek

the current is calling me

from underneath

rhythmic pulse of sea

and waves pulling

tidal seek

epiphany

droplets of sand

the salty scape

colors of scales

fins of the faroff

a distant ancestry

souls that swim

an endless abyss

to roam the water’s song

where time is different

light slanting through

the particles

dense and dancing

yesterday’s flowers

yesterday’s flowers

resonate behind my eyes

like a flickering VHS

burning blue and red-

heat lines over the tape

barefoot and tangle-headed

from santa ana winds

a tumbleweed and a palm

transplanted like a fake sea

in barren empty riverbeds near the highway

bone white rocks bleached by the ancient sun

a mirage of water shimmering beyond

where the desert horizon melts

off the edge of the dead wasteland

that is a future earth

i run in slow motion back to the double-wide

wild poppy colored snapdragons

glistening and sharp in hyper-color

my magnetic heart drawing me

through the unlocked quiet corridor

of a daytime sleeping mother

nostalgic and exhausted like a living ghost

i reach for you like a dream

that i don’t want to wake from

my dirty little hands grasping

the cheap metal doorknob

it smells of stale smoke

stress pheromone armpits

and your slumber is peaceful

like doves are over your eyes

i squirm past the rotten

apple witch faced doll that sits

on your wicker tv stand

in fear that she might come to life

and touch me with one finger

like the legend of the man

who lived in the rocks

by the flash flood drain

behind our dusty trailer park

i stare in silence at your face

frozen in immortal beauty

doe eyes that are kind

free from usual worry in the waking

i need you to clean my wound-

a cherry stain appears

on the cream colored carpet

i reach for your arms

a gentle tap but i’m scared to wake you

my red chapped lips from desert wind

my red toe

the red snapdragon basket

outside your bedroom window

coming into view

like a mummified egyptian

perfectly painted

i can’t ask this much of you-

your lips form a small smile

but i see your body anchored

to the weight of sleep

i tip-toe softly

out of your room

and sit by the flower basket

until the blood dries

patting down the tangles

in hypnotic self-soothing

i can’t tell if maybe that moment

was a foreshadowing

of when i laid you in a casket a year later

painted like a doll

peaceful with sleeping dove eyes

but that would not wake this time

i stared for hours just to see

if maybe you would

to this day when i see

the blood bursting blooms

i think of us together

yet alone in canyon breeze

where they filmed the old star treks

in our hills

where you fashioned us

a rickety home

that is a burning memory

like yesterday’s flowers

that always surround me

too wild to contain

steam on my wineglass

roosters

warm air like balm

creatures moving

vibrations of critters

birds singing

and motorcycles on dirt roads

thick dust clouds

breaking branches

iguanas falling from the sky

thump onto the ground

and run up the tree to do it again

unusually large green leaves

growing almost before your eyes

piercing heat wave

makes your eyes heavy

monkeys roaring at sunrise

chlorine drying my skin

and making my hair a tint of green

like the algae in rio balso

across the street

or at the waterfall

where chiggers bite

and cool water quenches

to the bone

in the shade of its powerful

crashing

a beauty too wild to contain

a pale crossover

a pale crossover

from now

back to the infinite birthing

how stars implode

a foreign vacancy

gazed in mystery we’ll stand

oblivious to our vastness

until a tidal ripping

undoes the definite –

maybe weakness births grace

and holds the sun hostage

taunting us

to gain back our strength